i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
