Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
