I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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