my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
