I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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