I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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