I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
ttyl tear gas
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So apparently I’m into choking now
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