I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
