Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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