Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
