I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Pooping to opera.
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