did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
