well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
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I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
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QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize