You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
