ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize