I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
