Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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