Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
