my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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