Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
