decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
a search helicopter?!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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