I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you had me at cake vodka
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
