Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
