My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
