so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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