its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I checked into jail on foursquare
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
