Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
