she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
