Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
