definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
