i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
