Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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