y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
zippers are such a cool invention
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize