fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
