I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
