i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
