saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
