Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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