Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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