She said her name was "party"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
