Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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