"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
