he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
