Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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