I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
