I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
