Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize