I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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