four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
