Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
