Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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