He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
