I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
