Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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