I heard we made out
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
