she was so not down for the gang bang
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
