You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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