NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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