Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
