hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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