woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
