I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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