Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
