We're like a lot better than the average bears
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
