Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
