Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
smell my finger.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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