Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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