I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
