The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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