all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
