And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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