i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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