Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
