I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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