im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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