Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
