The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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