I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
