I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
